Over the years I'd been told so many things about what to believe that its a wonder that I hadn't gone nuts.
For example, and I assume it was in fun, that what I watched on tv, read or even thought about affected my health. I do believe to a certian degree it can.
I remember growing up how people made judgements on missionaries and how they gave up everything to go on the mission field that even having an ice cream cone on a family outting brought on a certian level of guilt.
So its not hard to imagine when I'm hurt by some things in the last few weeks and sometimes acted on the pain I felt that I wonder if I'm losing my grip on the faith of which I stand on for what He's called me to believe. Something else I'd been told was that you had to watch your every move or else what you prayed for wasn't going to come to pass.
For instance, I was praying for a miracle this past weekend, but it was going to involve my participation. However, in the early hours of Sunday morning, the day I prayed for the miracle to occur, I became ill and stayed home. I can't say it didn't occur because while I was praying for mine to happen it did for a friend. So did it mean that I wouldn't have my own miracle?
I fought this thought most of Sunday and came to realize that again I was listening to a lie that has been formed for years. Since the miracle involves one of God's own, whether I participated or not wasn't the question. I did my part. I prayed for open doors. And the doors were opened, but those involved either didn't see that they were there, or just ignored them. It was actually out of my hands. Whether I was well or not, it was up to the individual.
We put too much into what we think others should be doing or not doing, when all the matters is if the person is doing what God called them to do. Then we need to butt out.
By learning more and taking out old thoughts I'm also breaking off the rejection that I'd felt for so long in my life. Things that were said that were never true but circumstances at the time brought a false presentation.
I'm seeing myself on the other side of the spectrum and I'm enjoying the freedom I have now. Where I can think for myself, can enjoy who I am in Him, and not worry what another may think because they feel the same way.
I've finding the area of my life more comfortable for me. I am finding also that time spent in His presence is much sweeter when I arrive not carrying baggage of old thoughts into the Throne Room. I think He's liking that time with me also.