Healing and prayer room M-Sa 10-12 Pst

Monday, January 25, 2010

Trying to set boundaries

In every journey there are boundaries that need to be set such as distance, time, and other areas to make the journey more successful and enjoyable.

In the past I've had fifty day journeys where I picked a topic that I wanted to learn about or improve in my life or something that needed to be taken out of my life and worked at it for fifty days.

This is the first time I am doing a year long journey and its on day 25 and I've done very little since the begining of the year.

Most of my journeys are ones that God has led me to be on, and there are those that I got to pick the topic.

This is one where I picked the topic but God is definitely in the lead. Actually He's had several topics in mind and He leading and I'm following rather blindly into unknown territory.

I am finding out that I've dealt with rejection for most of my life but never really faced it head on as for what it really is. I think I learned from an early age to put up a wall so it wouldn't hurt when it did happen. I found out a few weeks ago that that's considered a passive aggressive attitude towards myself where I hide from my own self and then get angry because I didn't stand up for myself when the time arrived. I found that I had been creating the problem myself moreso then what I was seeing it.

Yes there are times where I know I was rejected. But not as much as I had percieved it.

This journey was suppose to be about studying the 2000 years of Charismatic Movement and its kind of went on a different path to letting go of past experiences and just learning to trust that God has not forsaken His own. This is one journey I unknowningly had in the works for many years and it is now coming to pass. It won't be a long journey but there will be an end to it and it will not be in my life anymore.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Offenses seem to come alot in our church services and activities. The other night while I was praying and asked for forgiveness for being offended over a comment made a few minutes before, God told me one word that I've hung onto and I passed it on during our prayer service.

It was Obedience. When God calls you to do something, we must obey and do it. In 1 sam 15:22b it says "it is better to obey then to sacrific".

I am learning that I've been doing a lot more of sacrificing with my passive attitude towards things rather than being obedient to what God is calling me to do. Today my goal is to be more assertive for my residents who are in my care.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

One thing about working for God, you get assignments all the time!
Help Haiti and post to FB and blogs and other sites websites to help. Add others that you find.


Monday, January 11, 2010

My daughter

Normally I refrain from talking about my daughter and her antics but I felt I need to just so people know the truth.

She is a wonderful daughter and we couldn't be more blessed. As I was once told when she decided to leave church for a while "She is finding her God." I had trouble with that statement at first but then I began to understand it.

God is God. He will always be God. But when you look at Him as a Father, there is a different component to Him. My experiences in my life are not going to be her experiences. What she learns in life will gain her knowledge in God that I will never know.

She's smart and she knew since a young age that drugs were not going to be in her life. She's not a health nut but she does try to eat so that her blood sugar doesn't go out of wack. I say this because sometimes people generalize kids when they walk away that they will get into trouble. I'm sure there are things that she's done that we don't know about, but I know that drugs aren't one of them.

She's honest. If she knows she can't do something, she'll tell you. However as a mom, I could see things that she could do even though she would say she couldn't do them.

She's loyal and faithful and trusting. If she says she's going to do something 9 times out of 10 she will. The one time she doesn't, something came up that she didn't plan on.

When Dani graduated from highschool she didn't leave much behind, but she did gain and take with her great qualities to start off life in this enriching world. God speed my child.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Learning to break a mindset

I really had a wake up call in 2009.

My mindset at the time was that I thought I had to match my husband's income. Due to the amount that we are paying out of pocket in med bills and insurance I felt that some of that was my responsibility to take care of as it seemed in the last five years most of the bills were coming from me.

Last fall after I graduated from my CNA class my plan was to work my full time day job and work part time as a CNA to keep my licence current by working 400 hours in a 2 year period. Working a full time job and a part time job would equal my husband's income and help to pay off bill sooner. Not that we were in that much of a financial breakdown.

However about mid October working this way was not feasible. There were circumstances that came up that required me to quit my full time job, the one that I was most secure at.

I didn't know the mental damage I was doing to myself in this belief. I am still working myself through this transition. I still have the fear of losing it all, something that won't happen as we are doing okay with my working my one job that varies from part to full time and my hubby's employment.

Christmas was the hardest for me. I shared with a friend my struggle as she knew I was used to working several jobs at one time and now just working one. I was shopping for presents and was done with that, had no problem shopping for my hubby or other family members. But when I started shopping for what I wanted to add to our Christmas weekend as Dani was coming home, I panicked. I didn't want spend anymore money.

Even when I was done and showed the shopping list to hubby it wasn't an issue to him, but to me it was.

The other end of the spectrum is that we have set ourselves up to not need much, even though things around us fall apart like our furniture or the house in actuality once those are replaced, we are fine. We are used to running things to the ground and replacing them later. We don't see the need to update unless there is a need. Our goal since we were married was to not have any expenses that if we had to take minimum wage jobs we could still afford to live on what we have. We have succeeded that goal for the most of 21 years.

Some days I think I have conquerored this mindset and then there are times when I still have to work my way through it. I've also had to change my thinking that something has to pay for itself in order to continue working the project such as my writing activities, gardens and such. Granted five tomatoes, six string beans, 20 pea pods and four serving of lettuce may have closely covered the cost of a strawberry pot, but not by much.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

One journey that I will continue to do...

is working with the mindset that God is my employer.

Its different when you think like this. He is the one guiding me. Its a hard one to change too when you are used to thinking that when you lose a job that its all about you and sometimes it is. But when you look at it being something God has provided for you and that you are working for Him things began to change. For me in nursing, I'm seeing people and my job not as "eight hours and I'm done" but more that its people who need to loved and cared about and for like they have been by family members and for some better then family members. Its caring for them in a manner of respect for who they are and not for the position that you have.

He's the one the handles my paycheck. I know at times my husband worries a lot about our bills and such as the car we purchased. The car was a blessing from Him for an act of obedience that He asked me to do and I did it. It was one of those things that you do ask "Really God?". He's not going to take it away from me. Its my gift from Him. Same as a Starbucks gift card that I won recently. Most people who got one got one for other reasons. It wasn't luck or coincedence for me, it was out of obedience to something He asked me to do. I don't believe in luck or coincendences. I believe in faith. Where I am now, I sometimes question, but I am learning to ask Him, not those around me. He knows my heart and He knows my thoughts because I'm always talking to Him. Sometimes I think He does answer me too which is a good thing!

So once in awhile I'll be posting on this journey. I have several I've done in the past that I'll update as I go along.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

My first blog!

Wow! That was easy.

I decided it was time to branch out a bit from the safety of the group of women that have supported me over the past five years through various message boards with my 50 day journeys. (Yes its been about five years ladies!)

This year God is taking me on a new journey. I will be studying the Charsmatic Movement over that past 2000 years. The first book I'll be reading will be of the same title by Eddie L. Hyatt. Ive been in the Pentacostal churches off and on for the past twenty three years and have heard several things but never really understood them. So I'm taking the next year to do so and understand other ministers of the faith such as John Lake, Charley Finney, Ame Semple McPherson, and others that have paved this path. One other book that I am going to read again too is ""The Lost Art of Practicing His Presence" by James W. Goll.

I want to understand what it means to be in His presence day after day. Somedays I think I got it and other times I feel so far away from it. I want to do His bidding each and every day even when my body is not up to it. I want to break down strongholds that keep me from being the person He's creating me to be.

That is the journey I am on for this year. It's a lifestyle change in a few areas of my life as well.