I only have a minute to share-
I have pics uploaded on Fb with my african trip and will post my journal here when I can.
Today I am attending a memorial service of a good friend. I met her when she came to town about 3 years ago. A strong woman in her faith in Christ.
As I got to know her I saw how our she was to be a mentor for me in areas that God was teaching me as she had learned them herself. I didn't understand this position that she had when I first met her and didn't submit to it at first. As time went by I began to see that what she had been through was what God was showing me that I needed to learn.
Last year we talked about the journey God was putting me on (or so I thought!), about studying the Charismatic Prayer movement for the past 2000 years. She had done a personal study on her own and it was awesome to talk with her the few times we were able to meet.
We were in the same bible study together with Biblical Foundations of Freedom and I know she had problems with small areas of the book, not doctrinal issues but small grievances of personal differences. But she came when she was able to combat her illness.
Her spirit sang everytime we got together of love and joy and how much God loved us and cherished us. There was a word that she used one time that we don't use often enough and for weeks several of us had discussed it throughout our Wednesday night bible study and in our women's study.
The word is "revere". Reverance to our God. I knew this affected her greatly that we revere the one who created us. We honor Him that is Holy.
Yesterday our pastor did a short sermon on the definition of Holy, Redeemed and Sanctified. I think Kay was looking down and smiling as we were sharing yesterday our thoughts on these three words knowing we would come to this thought:
God is Holy, He redeemed us through His Son Jesus Christ, and we are sanctified (set apart from the world) through the blood that Jesus shed.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Realizing The Spirit of Rejection and how to break it off
The Lord has really been hitting me with the spirit of rejection lately and opening up old wounds that I really hoped were healed.
We’ve all been through some sort of rejection in our lives, some at greater degrees then others, but it does plague us, if when we choose to not admit it and repent of it. I say repent because the spirit of rejection is built on so many areas of bitterness, resentment and so on that even the small act that someone does out of kindness can be taken as a form of rejection by someone else.
There are four walls of rejection:
Fear of rejection
Self-rejection
Rejection of others
Desire of rejection
Fear of rejection:
“For what I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me.” Job 3:25
Fear tells us that all things happen for our detriment. The fear of rejection has a tandem of fears with it like the fear of man and the fear of failure.
This fear keeps us from even trying anything, like not sending in a book we’ve written because the editor may not like it, or not going for the job that we are actually over qualified for because there is an area that we don’t really succeed at.
God promises that if we trust in Him He will give us perfect peace. Is 26:3 “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusted Thee.”
Self Rejection:
When rejection is never satisfied this is when we decide we have to attack ourselves. It wasn’t bad enough that the editor didn’t like the book, we decide that we weren’t good enough to be a writer to begin with. Or when we find that someone we knew got the job that we knew we could have had if we went in for the interview, we cut off the friendship over jealousy.
Lack of unconditional love and acceptance plays a big part in self rejection as if those that claim to love us put conditions on us and we can’t measure up what’s the point of loving ourselves in no one else can?
Rejection of others:
We think its easier to reject others first before we get to know them that way we are preventing ourselves from being hurt ourselves. There is a big problem with this thought.
One area that was made aware in the last few weeks was in trying to do everything myself. I didn’t want to overburden anyone. I found out that in planning this trip in the things that needed to get done, that when a person offered to help, if I told them I could do it on my own, I was robbing them of the blessing God was going to give them and to me from their help. I can honestly say that I feel so loved by those in my church family and my community with the help and support they’ve given me in preparing for this trip from making over 100 dresses and 35 pants, and from strangers who donated pillowcases and t-shirts and even personal items that came from Ohio.
The other day I was having lunch with friends and I was complaining about feeling like I was in a shell for the past several weeks as I was really liking being home and not wanting to leave my house. One of my friends told me she had a Word for me.
“God is saying that you are a shell because He is forming you into being a pearl. The longer the pearl stays in the shell, the larger and more luster it becomes.”
I had tears in my eyes as she was speaking to me. Because I just recently learned that Uganda is the Pearl of Africa!
(If you haven’t figured it out this was one major area of rejection that has been released in the last couple of months!)
Desire for rejection:
There are people who really can not be happy for others. They don’t see beyond their own front door step to see that there is a world that God has created for them and those that they have to tear down. They know that once they hurt those that are working to make something a success; they will have met the desire for rejection in their own lives.
This rejection sets us up for by treating others badly or with indifference. Hold people back with cruel words and manipulating circumstances that could be meant for improvement in theirs or another’s life is a good example of desire for rejection.
From the book “Biblical Foundations of Freedom” by Art Mathias, he lists on page 142 how to break down the walls of rejection:
Confess
Repent
Renounce the power of ______in my life
Speak blessing over my life
Seal my ears from hearing rejection
Seal my eyes from seeing rejection
Seal my mouth from speaking rejection break the power of the spirit of _______ in my life
Command the spirit of ______ to leave in the name of authority of Jesus Christ, under Whose blood I am covered.
I’m taking a different turn in my topic so bear with me.
Do Christians have feeling of rejections?
Yes we do! In the last several weeks I’ve listened to stories from others and they’ve listened to stories of mine where it is prevalent in the Christian community.
It is a strong spirit that I see hanging over so many of my friends that have either known the Lord from their young life to their later years in adulthood.
It comes from things that we’ve had said to us before we came to know the Lord, or when we did know Him but there were those that didn’t that were influences in our lives that brought rejection upon us.
We don’t realize how large this spirit is. Think about it, when you find out that you are bitter towards a person because of something they said to you that really didn’t mean anything as the way you responded to it, rejection is still there because of the fear of what would happen if we let our guard down.
We hold onto memories that we had of as a child, and we find that we transfer those fears into rejecting others who don’t know what happened to us and do the same thing for a very different reasons.
Rejection is a strong emotion that needs to be eliminated from our lives.
I do believe that we are still in God’s will while we are struggling with this emotion and that His gifts of prophecy, edifications, tongues and the like are still very active in the Christian life, but think about how much more it would be if we broke off the rejection that is holding us back from being completely His?
We’ve all been through some sort of rejection in our lives, some at greater degrees then others, but it does plague us, if when we choose to not admit it and repent of it. I say repent because the spirit of rejection is built on so many areas of bitterness, resentment and so on that even the small act that someone does out of kindness can be taken as a form of rejection by someone else.
There are four walls of rejection:
Fear of rejection
Self-rejection
Rejection of others
Desire of rejection
Fear of rejection:
“For what I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me.” Job 3:25
Fear tells us that all things happen for our detriment. The fear of rejection has a tandem of fears with it like the fear of man and the fear of failure.
This fear keeps us from even trying anything, like not sending in a book we’ve written because the editor may not like it, or not going for the job that we are actually over qualified for because there is an area that we don’t really succeed at.
God promises that if we trust in Him He will give us perfect peace. Is 26:3 “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusted Thee.”
Self Rejection:
When rejection is never satisfied this is when we decide we have to attack ourselves. It wasn’t bad enough that the editor didn’t like the book, we decide that we weren’t good enough to be a writer to begin with. Or when we find that someone we knew got the job that we knew we could have had if we went in for the interview, we cut off the friendship over jealousy.
Lack of unconditional love and acceptance plays a big part in self rejection as if those that claim to love us put conditions on us and we can’t measure up what’s the point of loving ourselves in no one else can?
Rejection of others:
We think its easier to reject others first before we get to know them that way we are preventing ourselves from being hurt ourselves. There is a big problem with this thought.
One area that was made aware in the last few weeks was in trying to do everything myself. I didn’t want to overburden anyone. I found out that in planning this trip in the things that needed to get done, that when a person offered to help, if I told them I could do it on my own, I was robbing them of the blessing God was going to give them and to me from their help. I can honestly say that I feel so loved by those in my church family and my community with the help and support they’ve given me in preparing for this trip from making over 100 dresses and 35 pants, and from strangers who donated pillowcases and t-shirts and even personal items that came from Ohio.
The other day I was having lunch with friends and I was complaining about feeling like I was in a shell for the past several weeks as I was really liking being home and not wanting to leave my house. One of my friends told me she had a Word for me.
“God is saying that you are a shell because He is forming you into being a pearl. The longer the pearl stays in the shell, the larger and more luster it becomes.”
I had tears in my eyes as she was speaking to me. Because I just recently learned that Uganda is the Pearl of Africa!
(If you haven’t figured it out this was one major area of rejection that has been released in the last couple of months!)
Desire for rejection:
There are people who really can not be happy for others. They don’t see beyond their own front door step to see that there is a world that God has created for them and those that they have to tear down. They know that once they hurt those that are working to make something a success; they will have met the desire for rejection in their own lives.
This rejection sets us up for by treating others badly or with indifference. Hold people back with cruel words and manipulating circumstances that could be meant for improvement in theirs or another’s life is a good example of desire for rejection.
From the book “Biblical Foundations of Freedom” by Art Mathias, he lists on page 142 how to break down the walls of rejection:
Confess
Repent
Renounce the power of ______in my life
Speak blessing over my life
Seal my ears from hearing rejection
Seal my eyes from seeing rejection
Seal my mouth from speaking rejection break the power of the spirit of _______ in my life
Command the spirit of ______ to leave in the name of authority of Jesus Christ, under Whose blood I am covered.
I’m taking a different turn in my topic so bear with me.
Do Christians have feeling of rejections?
Yes we do! In the last several weeks I’ve listened to stories from others and they’ve listened to stories of mine where it is prevalent in the Christian community.
It is a strong spirit that I see hanging over so many of my friends that have either known the Lord from their young life to their later years in adulthood.
It comes from things that we’ve had said to us before we came to know the Lord, or when we did know Him but there were those that didn’t that were influences in our lives that brought rejection upon us.
We don’t realize how large this spirit is. Think about it, when you find out that you are bitter towards a person because of something they said to you that really didn’t mean anything as the way you responded to it, rejection is still there because of the fear of what would happen if we let our guard down.
We hold onto memories that we had of as a child, and we find that we transfer those fears into rejecting others who don’t know what happened to us and do the same thing for a very different reasons.
Rejection is a strong emotion that needs to be eliminated from our lives.
I do believe that we are still in God’s will while we are struggling with this emotion and that His gifts of prophecy, edifications, tongues and the like are still very active in the Christian life, but think about how much more it would be if we broke off the rejection that is holding us back from being completely His?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Why I am who I am
First and foremost I am who I am because of my relationship with Christ.
Secondly, as I try to walk along in obedience to what He’s called me to be in many facets of my life; some do go better then others. It’s in the struggles that I am learning to find strength to continue to walk out my faith.
That being said, I still struggle with confidence in what God’s called me to do. For example people like to make comments about how I do things some not nearly as helpful as others if you get my drift. Some can really hurt to the bone when they don’t really see how deep God has called me in some areas of my life.
One thing God’s called me to do is to see Him as my employer. I’m a field worker is the best way to describe my employment with Him. It’s actually what I’ve always wanted to do and that’s being able to be there to help someone in need. Some times I have financial rewards in this area, sometimes not. But His currency is not our currency so actually I am always rewarded for what I do for Him, and abundantly rewarded at that. He’s the one that calls me to work.
I’ve let God know of my needs, and for the most part no one else. I’ve told the story about how I whined about a tube of toothpaste and my client handed me one. Yesterday a friend bought me an ink cartridge for my printer and I asked her if I whined and she said no and asked why I would ask that. My response was that “good, I’m growing!” On my trip I’ve stayed as close as possible to not mentioning my need (letting others do the math!) and God has been faithful and has provided, and yes there has been stress involved in that, but for those who see stress levels rising, look at where the faith level is at compared to the stress level and then reverse it!
Some have asked why I don’t do make up and the like. When you live like I have since last October when I made this decision, it’s called a luxury not a necessity. Someday I will get back there but I’d rather see my money being used elsewhere right now. It also goes in the same manner as for other things that get taken for granted that which we think we need in life.
I leave in a week for an area that although very rich in culture lacks in monetary stability. Because if this status it is still considered a third world country. Again, its out of obedience to a calling that I have on my life. I really have better things to do during those two weeks; celebrate two birthdays- my daughters 20th and my grandmother’s 104th, my 22nd anniversary and my daughter graduation from beauty college. But I know that God’s call comes first and those that are important in my life know that too.
Secondly, as I try to walk along in obedience to what He’s called me to be in many facets of my life; some do go better then others. It’s in the struggles that I am learning to find strength to continue to walk out my faith.
That being said, I still struggle with confidence in what God’s called me to do. For example people like to make comments about how I do things some not nearly as helpful as others if you get my drift. Some can really hurt to the bone when they don’t really see how deep God has called me in some areas of my life.
One thing God’s called me to do is to see Him as my employer. I’m a field worker is the best way to describe my employment with Him. It’s actually what I’ve always wanted to do and that’s being able to be there to help someone in need. Some times I have financial rewards in this area, sometimes not. But His currency is not our currency so actually I am always rewarded for what I do for Him, and abundantly rewarded at that. He’s the one that calls me to work.
I’ve let God know of my needs, and for the most part no one else. I’ve told the story about how I whined about a tube of toothpaste and my client handed me one. Yesterday a friend bought me an ink cartridge for my printer and I asked her if I whined and she said no and asked why I would ask that. My response was that “good, I’m growing!” On my trip I’ve stayed as close as possible to not mentioning my need (letting others do the math!) and God has been faithful and has provided, and yes there has been stress involved in that, but for those who see stress levels rising, look at where the faith level is at compared to the stress level and then reverse it!
Some have asked why I don’t do make up and the like. When you live like I have since last October when I made this decision, it’s called a luxury not a necessity. Someday I will get back there but I’d rather see my money being used elsewhere right now. It also goes in the same manner as for other things that get taken for granted that which we think we need in life.
I leave in a week for an area that although very rich in culture lacks in monetary stability. Because if this status it is still considered a third world country. Again, its out of obedience to a calling that I have on my life. I really have better things to do during those two weeks; celebrate two birthdays- my daughters 20th and my grandmother’s 104th, my 22nd anniversary and my daughter graduation from beauty college. But I know that God’s call comes first and those that are important in my life know that too.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Living on Faith
We forget sometimes that once we know Christ as our Savior, we are His for Him to do as He pleases.
All we have to do is trust Him completely.
I view it like this:
We are given a pass to go to a retreat. It is given to us for free. As we get in the car with our friends we have things we have to do along the way, all are part of the plan for the trip that He has set for us.
Maybe its to feed lost children. Maybe we have clean a few toilets along the way, but we ignore the task completely, but change our minds and our hearts to do it in obedience. Even if we don't do it just right, doesn't mean the gift of the retreat is taken away. We are still on the road trip. Even if we get a flat tire along the way, spend too much on gas and have to stop a bit and reoganize the budget, the road trip doesn't end.
The only way that our pass would be revoked is if we just give up and turn back to where we began, or get out of the car and try to get there on our own. And those are not options and they won't get us into the retreat and the trip in the car was the only condition because the Holy Spirit is our driver.
"I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." John 14:6
All we have to do is trust Him completely.
I view it like this:
We are given a pass to go to a retreat. It is given to us for free. As we get in the car with our friends we have things we have to do along the way, all are part of the plan for the trip that He has set for us.
Maybe its to feed lost children. Maybe we have clean a few toilets along the way, but we ignore the task completely, but change our minds and our hearts to do it in obedience. Even if we don't do it just right, doesn't mean the gift of the retreat is taken away. We are still on the road trip. Even if we get a flat tire along the way, spend too much on gas and have to stop a bit and reoganize the budget, the road trip doesn't end.
The only way that our pass would be revoked is if we just give up and turn back to where we began, or get out of the car and try to get there on our own. And those are not options and they won't get us into the retreat and the trip in the car was the only condition because the Holy Spirit is our driver.
"I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." John 14:6
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
What my study this year was suppose to be on
http://www.blip.tv/file/4051614
I am still learning how to upload videos and I guess I should have downloaded this one and the uploaded it here. I'll try it later.
This is a video with Jack Hayford and many others discussing the Revival on Azuza Street in 1906. Very powerful movement in the Christian Faith. Saving it here for future reference in hope to do my 2000 years of charsmatic movement study in 2011.
I am still learning how to upload videos and I guess I should have downloaded this one and the uploaded it here. I'll try it later.
This is a video with Jack Hayford and many others discussing the Revival on Azuza Street in 1906. Very powerful movement in the Christian Faith. Saving it here for future reference in hope to do my 2000 years of charsmatic movement study in 2011.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Breaking off old thoughts
Over the years I'd been told so many things about what to believe that its a wonder that I hadn't gone nuts.
For example, and I assume it was in fun, that what I watched on tv, read or even thought about affected my health. I do believe to a certian degree it can.
I remember growing up how people made judgements on missionaries and how they gave up everything to go on the mission field that even having an ice cream cone on a family outting brought on a certian level of guilt.
So its not hard to imagine when I'm hurt by some things in the last few weeks and sometimes acted on the pain I felt that I wonder if I'm losing my grip on the faith of which I stand on for what He's called me to believe. Something else I'd been told was that you had to watch your every move or else what you prayed for wasn't going to come to pass.
For instance, I was praying for a miracle this past weekend, but it was going to involve my participation. However, in the early hours of Sunday morning, the day I prayed for the miracle to occur, I became ill and stayed home. I can't say it didn't occur because while I was praying for mine to happen it did for a friend. So did it mean that I wouldn't have my own miracle?
I fought this thought most of Sunday and came to realize that again I was listening to a lie that has been formed for years. Since the miracle involves one of God's own, whether I participated or not wasn't the question. I did my part. I prayed for open doors. And the doors were opened, but those involved either didn't see that they were there, or just ignored them. It was actually out of my hands. Whether I was well or not, it was up to the individual.
We put too much into what we think others should be doing or not doing, when all the matters is if the person is doing what God called them to do. Then we need to butt out.
By learning more and taking out old thoughts I'm also breaking off the rejection that I'd felt for so long in my life. Things that were said that were never true but circumstances at the time brought a false presentation.
I'm seeing myself on the other side of the spectrum and I'm enjoying the freedom I have now. Where I can think for myself, can enjoy who I am in Him, and not worry what another may think because they feel the same way.
I've finding the area of my life more comfortable for me. I am finding also that time spent in His presence is much sweeter when I arrive not carrying baggage of old thoughts into the Throne Room. I think He's liking that time with me also.
For example, and I assume it was in fun, that what I watched on tv, read or even thought about affected my health. I do believe to a certian degree it can.
I remember growing up how people made judgements on missionaries and how they gave up everything to go on the mission field that even having an ice cream cone on a family outting brought on a certian level of guilt.
So its not hard to imagine when I'm hurt by some things in the last few weeks and sometimes acted on the pain I felt that I wonder if I'm losing my grip on the faith of which I stand on for what He's called me to believe. Something else I'd been told was that you had to watch your every move or else what you prayed for wasn't going to come to pass.
For instance, I was praying for a miracle this past weekend, but it was going to involve my participation. However, in the early hours of Sunday morning, the day I prayed for the miracle to occur, I became ill and stayed home. I can't say it didn't occur because while I was praying for mine to happen it did for a friend. So did it mean that I wouldn't have my own miracle?
I fought this thought most of Sunday and came to realize that again I was listening to a lie that has been formed for years. Since the miracle involves one of God's own, whether I participated or not wasn't the question. I did my part. I prayed for open doors. And the doors were opened, but those involved either didn't see that they were there, or just ignored them. It was actually out of my hands. Whether I was well or not, it was up to the individual.
We put too much into what we think others should be doing or not doing, when all the matters is if the person is doing what God called them to do. Then we need to butt out.
By learning more and taking out old thoughts I'm also breaking off the rejection that I'd felt for so long in my life. Things that were said that were never true but circumstances at the time brought a false presentation.
I'm seeing myself on the other side of the spectrum and I'm enjoying the freedom I have now. Where I can think for myself, can enjoy who I am in Him, and not worry what another may think because they feel the same way.
I've finding the area of my life more comfortable for me. I am finding also that time spent in His presence is much sweeter when I arrive not carrying baggage of old thoughts into the Throne Room. I think He's liking that time with me also.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
My year long journey so far
I had started this journey in January, planning on studying the prayer movement in the past 2000 years. I have yet to get to that study.
I have however, been studying the Spirit of Jezebel, the accuser of the brethern, and more recently "Lover of my soul". The only difference is that its been more of people watching rather then book learning.
I have asked the Lord to give me "double vision", to see beyond what we see physically but more inward so that I can pray more effectively for the person or event. I'm still working out the kinks now that the prayer has been answered because now that I see things more clearly I have to learn to use discernment in other areas and not let my passion be revealed in the event.
I had mentioned to someone last night that I hadn't really felt any growth in the past year in my life, going from doing my 50 journeys to making a year long study. I felt lost at times until I remembered that in this past year God has opened doors that had been closed in the past.
I attended PrayerQuake this year for the first time. What an awesome event that was, and a lesson in trust, grace and mercy that followed along with event.
I also attended my first Carmen concert, something I had wanted to do for many years, yet the prices of the concerts or the locations was a factor.
This year I will be going on my first mission trip, something I've wanted to do about as long as going to a Carmen concert. This too is a lesson in trust, grace and mercy. Its also a lesson in breaking off things that had been said to me or about me that was not in line with what God has had intended for me on this trip.
So I guess this year I have learned quite a bit, but in longer phases.
In my 50 day journeys, I usually picked something such as for physical; changing something from my diet, or adding excercise, for spiritual; it was a fast or taking out something in my life that was unpleasant in my walk with Christ and replacing it with something that pleased Him, and with my home it was usually taking one room during the 50 days and doing whatever deep cleaning that needed to be done to it or organizing the room better to fit the needs of my family. Sometimes it worked but most of the time it didn't.
So this year I lumped them all together and I've been a vegetarian more often then not, I've been decluttering about 7 items a week from my home by either giving it away, throwing it away. I've already touched on the spiritual end of my year long journey.
So that's it 9 months later. I have to remember its my journey to God's heart that I'm on and it may not be in my time, but His is alway perfect. He gave me three words at the begining of the year: Take only what is offered to you, be content with your wages, take jobs by word of mouth. It is all summed up by one statement that He keeps bringing back to me: To obey is better then sacrific. I'd much rather be His obedient servant then anything else. And if that is what this year is about, I'm His to do with what He pleases.
I have however, been studying the Spirit of Jezebel, the accuser of the brethern, and more recently "Lover of my soul". The only difference is that its been more of people watching rather then book learning.
I have asked the Lord to give me "double vision", to see beyond what we see physically but more inward so that I can pray more effectively for the person or event. I'm still working out the kinks now that the prayer has been answered because now that I see things more clearly I have to learn to use discernment in other areas and not let my passion be revealed in the event.
I had mentioned to someone last night that I hadn't really felt any growth in the past year in my life, going from doing my 50 journeys to making a year long study. I felt lost at times until I remembered that in this past year God has opened doors that had been closed in the past.
I attended PrayerQuake this year for the first time. What an awesome event that was, and a lesson in trust, grace and mercy that followed along with event.
I also attended my first Carmen concert, something I had wanted to do for many years, yet the prices of the concerts or the locations was a factor.
This year I will be going on my first mission trip, something I've wanted to do about as long as going to a Carmen concert. This too is a lesson in trust, grace and mercy. Its also a lesson in breaking off things that had been said to me or about me that was not in line with what God has had intended for me on this trip.
So I guess this year I have learned quite a bit, but in longer phases.
In my 50 day journeys, I usually picked something such as for physical; changing something from my diet, or adding excercise, for spiritual; it was a fast or taking out something in my life that was unpleasant in my walk with Christ and replacing it with something that pleased Him, and with my home it was usually taking one room during the 50 days and doing whatever deep cleaning that needed to be done to it or organizing the room better to fit the needs of my family. Sometimes it worked but most of the time it didn't.
So this year I lumped them all together and I've been a vegetarian more often then not, I've been decluttering about 7 items a week from my home by either giving it away, throwing it away. I've already touched on the spiritual end of my year long journey.
So that's it 9 months later. I have to remember its my journey to God's heart that I'm on and it may not be in my time, but His is alway perfect. He gave me three words at the begining of the year: Take only what is offered to you, be content with your wages, take jobs by word of mouth. It is all summed up by one statement that He keeps bringing back to me: To obey is better then sacrific. I'd much rather be His obedient servant then anything else. And if that is what this year is about, I'm His to do with what He pleases.
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